When Freddie Met Sam
by Hello I am insert name here
Summary: .:SEDDIE:. Can two friends sleep together and still love each other in the morning? "You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you." Main: Seddie with minor Cibby and other pairings.


**Ok, soooooo this is my first Seddie story. A parody of 'When Harry Met Sally' I'm pretty excited. As for the readers of 'When Summer Ends' I'm sorry, but I don't know when that'll be updated. I haven't had much inspiration for it lately. Mostly because of 'JONAS L.A.' the Nacy of that show killed my Kacy inspiration, but don't worry, I'm still trying to find the inspiration to continue. Also if you are a reader and fan of 'When Summer Ends' I'm currently working on a letter to you guys. It'll be posted as soon as possible. It'll be like a thank you sort of thing on how much I appreciate and love you guys for all the support you've shown.**

**Anyway this is Seddie! My newest obsession since Kacy died…. T.T For those of you familiar with 'When Harry Met Sally' will notice that a lot of the time I have Sam take Harry's dialogue and Freddie take Sally's. It's only because sometimes there are things Harry says that sound more like Sam and things Sally says that is more like Freddie. Anyway please review and tell me if you want more!

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"I was sitting with my friend Arthur Cornrom in a restaurant. It was this cafeteria and this beautiful girl walked in and I turned to Arthur and I said, "Arthur, you see that girl? I'm going to marry her, and two weeks later we were married and it's over fifty years later and we are still married." An old wrinkled man said as he lovingly looked down at his wife who in turn blushed and smiled while patting his had.

~Seddie~

San Francisco, 2003

Sam Puckett, a short, young woman of 18 years with long, curly, blond hair and pretty blue eyes grinned as she looked up at her dark haired lover, Shane. She sighed contentedly and stood up on her tiptoes to kiss him passionately. As they kissed an old station wagon pulled up, where Freddie Benson, a medium height, young man of 19 years with dark brown hair nicely combed and meatball brown eyes, watched the kissing couple awkwardly, not sure what to do.

"I love you" Shane said sweetly, pecking his girlfriend's nose. Freddie rolled his eyes, slightly annoyed that they haven't acknowledged his presences one bit.

"I love you" Sam replied with a smirk on her lips as she dove in for, yet another, goodbye kiss. Freddie once again rolled his eyes.

"Kmm kmm... Kmm Kmm" Freddie grunted, clearing his throat in an attempt to get the parting lovers' attentions, but they were still wrapped up in their kiss.

"KMMM!" Freddie cleared his throat again, this time more assertive, successfully separating the couple from their spit swapping.

"Oh, hi Freddie. Freddie, this is Sam Puckett. Sam, this is Freddie Benson." Shane said, obviously embarrassed.

"Nice to meet you." Sam said, trying to be polite, even though something about this Freddie guy gave her the feeling he was gonna be a complete nub. Freddie smiled back in a friendly manner and stuck his hand out for Sam to shake.

"You want to drive the first shift?" Freddie asked. Sam shook her head and picked up her bag.

"No, you're there already you can start." Sam said.

"Well… Back's open." Freddie said and Shane nodded taking the bag from Sam and opening the trunk to place it inside for her. She grinned and leaned upwards to kiss him once more.

"Call me." Shane said once they separated.

"I'll call you as soon as I get there." Sam said, but Shane didn't seem satisfied with that.

"Oh, call me from the road." He said.

"I'll call you before that." Sam said cutely.

"I love you." He said, almost longingly, kissing her forehead.

"I love you." Sam said and Shane held her close bringing her into yet another passionate kiss. Freddie let out an exasperated sigh and taps the horn irritated. Sam and Shane jump in surprise.

"Sorry." Freddie mumbled, a satisfied smirk on his face.

"I miss you already, huh, I miss you already." Sam said sweetly as she went over to the passenger's seat and got in.

"I miss you." Shane called out as Freddie put the car in gear and pulled away, Sam looking out the rear window waving at the figure of her boyfriend.

"I have it all figured out. It's an eighteen hour trip which breaks down into six shifts of three hours each or alternatively we could break it down by mileage." Freddie said, breaking the silence between the two strangers. Sam rolls her eyes, obviously not caring and moves to reach into her bag, her butt in Freddie's peripheral vision. Freddie blushes and focuses on the road and Sam sits back in her seat with grapes in her hand.

"There's a...there's a map on the uh... visor that I've marked to show the locations so we can change shifts." Freddie says awkwardly. Sam ignores him.

"Grape?" She asks, offering the grapes in her hand to him, Freddie presses his lips together and shakes his head.

"No, I don't like to eat between meals." He says. Sam shrugs and pops a couple grapes in her mouth. She turns towards the window and spits the pits out, unaware that the windows aren't open as the pits hit the glass and stick to it. Freddie looks over in disgust.

"I'll roll down the window." Sam says awkwardly. Freddie just nods and it is once again silent between the two.

"Why don't you tell me the story of your life?" Freddie asks, once again trying to get a conversation rolling with the odd blonde girl in his car.

"Story of my life?" Sam repeats as if it's the oddest question anyone's ever asked her.

"We've got 18 hours to kill before we hit Seattle." Freddie reasoned.

"The story of my life isn't even going to get us out of San Francisco I mean nothing's happened to me yet. That's why I'm going to Seattle." Sam explained.

"So something can happen to you?" Freddie asked amused. Sam nodded, obviously annoyed with him.

"Yes." She said, hoping he would leave it at that.

"Like what?" He asked. Sam sighed.

"I'm going into journalism school to become a reporter." Sam said.

"So you can write about things that happen to other people." Freddie said, knowing he was getting on her nerves.

"That's one way to look at it." Sam muttered and spit ore grape pits out of the window. Freddie once again looked disgusted.

"Well… Suppose nothing happens. What then?" Freddie asked, Sam looked at him with a look of utter annoyance.

"Well…" She began, mocking him slightly, "Suppose nothing happens to you. Suppose you lived out your whole life and nothing happens you never meet anybody you never become anything and finally you die in one of those city deaths which nobody notices for two weeks until the smell drifts into the hallway." Sam said snidely.

"Shane mentioned you had a dark side." Freddie mumbled. Now it was Sam's turn to be amused.

"That's what drew him to me." She said confidently.

"Your dark side." Freddie stated.

"Sure. Why don't you have a dark side? No you're probably one of those cheerful people who dots their eyes with little hearts." Sam said mocking him and basically implying that he was a girl. Freddie glared.

"I have just as much of a dark side as the next person." He defended.

"Oh really?" Sam asked, obviously not convinced.

"Yeah I do! When I buy a new book I always read the last page first that way in case I die before I finish I know how it ends. That my friend is a dark side." Freddie said, still trying to convince her.

"That doesn't mean you're deep or dark or anything." Sam objected and Freddie had to admit she had a point.

"Well...I guess… yes, basically I'm a happy person..." Freddie admitted defeated.

"So am I." Sam said casually spitting out more pits, getting the same reaction out of Freddie as before.

"...and I don't see that there's anything wrong with that." Freddie said, deciding that if he couldn't convince her he was deep and dark, he could at least make her see that being a happy person was better.

"Of course not you're too busy being happy. Do you ever think about death?" Sam said. Freddie bit his lip, not expecting that as her argument.

"Yes." Freddie said, trying to sound more convincingly.

"Sure you do, a fleeting thought that jumps in and out of your mind. I spend hours, I spend days..." Sam admitted, thinking that by saying this, she would best him.

"And you think that makes you a better person." Freddie asked incredulously.

"Look, when the chiz comes down I'm gonna be prepared and you're not that's all I'm saying." Sam said, hoping he'd let it go.

"And in the mean time you're gonna ruin your whole life waiting for it." Freddie murmured, but Sam chose to ignore him.

A few hours later they're still in the car arguing about a new topic about to pull into some diner to eat supper.

"You're wrong." Sam says.

"I'm not wrong, he wants-"

"You're wrong." Sam interjects, cutting Freddie off.

"...he wants her to leave that's why he puts her on the plane." Freddie says continuing his previously interrupted opinion.

"I don't think she wants to stay." Sam defends.

"Of course she wants to stay. Wouldn't you rather be with Humphrey Bogart than the other guy?" Freddie asks.

"I don't want to spend the rest of my life in Casablanca married to a man who runs a bar. I probably sound very nubbish to you but I don't." Sam says defensively as the two get out of the car and walk to the diner.

"You'd rather be in a passionless marriage." Freddie says cockily, knowing he's the one besting her in this argument.

"And be the first lady of Czechoslovakia!" She exclaims, halting her steps as Freddie does the same, but he's not convinced.

"Than live with the man you've had the greatest sex of you life with, and just because he owns a bar and that is all he does." Freddie says shaking his head disapprovingly.

"Yes. And so would any woman in her right mind, women are very practical, even Ingrid Bergman which is why she gets on the plane at the end of the movie." Sam says, acting like she won the argument. Freddie just chuckles at her childishness.

"I understand." Freddie says, continuing their walk into the diner again.

"What? What?" Sam asks agitatedly pausing on the steps.

"Nothing." Freddie says bemused.

"What?" Sam asks, extremely cheesed off now.

"Forget about it." He says.

"For-… What? Forget about what?" Sam stutters angrily.

"It's not important." Freddie then walks into the diner, with Sam close behind, obviously not about to let it go.

"No just tell me." She begged.

"Obviously you haven't had great sex yet." He says boldly as he looks at the approaching waitress. "Two please." He says politely.

"Right over there." The waitress replies, leading them through the crowded diner.

"Yes I have." Sam argues.

"No you haven't." Freddie says. Sam stops annoyed.

"It just so happens that I have had plenty of good sex." Sam announces and the bustling diner turns silent and everyone's attention is now on her. She blushes and quickly sits down with Freddie at an empty table and looks through a menu.

"With whom?"

"What?" Sam asks surprised.

"With whom did you have this great sex?" Freddie asks doubtfully.

"I'm not going to tell you that!" Sam yells, offended.

"Fine, don't tell me." Freddie says, convinced she's never had great sex.

"Nevel Papperman." Sam mutters.

"Nevel? Nevel? No, no, you didn't have great sex with ... Nevel." Freddie states, even though he never met Nevel. Sam glares at him.

"I did too." She said, desperate to convince her traveling companion of the legitimacy of her sex life.

"No you didn't. A Nevel can do your income taxes. If you need a root canal Nevel's your man, but humping and pumping is not Nevel's strong suit. It's the name. Do it to me 'Nevel', you're an animal 'Nevel', ride me big 'Nevel'. Doesn't work." Freddie said matter of fact-ly. Sam just glared, not sure how to reply to his bold statement. Luckily a waitress appears to take their order.

"Hi, what can I get ya?"

"I'll have a number three, a number seven, and a number eight." Sam said and Freddie looked at her in disbelief. How could a girl so small eat so much?

"I'd like the chef salad please with the oil and vinegar on the side and the apple pie a la mode." Freddie said after shaking off the shock of Sam's big appetite.

"Chef and apple a la mode." The waitress says writing it down on her pad.

"But I'd like the pie heated and I don't want the ice cream on top I want it on the side and I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it, if not then no ice cream just whipped cream but only if it's real, if it's out of a can then nothing." Freddie explained.

"Not even the pie?" The waitress asked confused.

"No, just the pie, but then not heated." Freddie said.

"Uh huh." The waitress then leaves. Sam looks at Freddie and shakes her head.

"What?" Freddie asks.

"Nothing, nothing… you're just an anal nub who takes forever to order." Sam says. Freddie glares at her but decides to be the bigger person and let it go.

"So how come you broke up with Nevel?" He asks.

"How do you know we broke up?" Sam countered, Freddie just smirked.

"Because if you didn't break up you wouldn't be here with me, you'd be off with Nevel the wonder-schlong."

"First of all, I am not *with* you, and second of all it is none of your business why we broke up." Sam said icily. Freddie slightly shuddered at her cold tone.

"You're right, you're right, I don't want to know." Freddie says.

"Well if you must know, it was because he was very jealous and I had these days-of-the-week underpants." Sam confessed. Freddie just looked at her strangely.

"EEERR!" Freddie made the sound of a buzzer going off, "I'm sorry I need a judge's ruling on this...days-of-week underpants?" Freddie asked, needing her to clarify.

"Yes. They had the days of the week on them and I thought they were sort of funny. And then one day Nevel says to me, 'You never wear Sunday'. It's all suspicious, where was Sunday, where was Sunday? And I told him and he didn't believe me." Sam said.

"Why?"

"They don't make Sunday." Sam said as if it were obvious.

"Why?" Freddie asked again and Sam rolled her eyes.

"Because of God."

Once they finished their food and got the bill, Freddie began to divide it up between them.

"Ok, so fifteen percent of my share is ninety... six ninety. This leaves seven." He said to himself and fished out his money and placed it on the table. He then saw Sam putting her money on the table and began to stare at her. A look of intrigue in his gaze.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" She asks, Freddie just grins and ignores her comment.

"You're a very attractive person." Freddie says a bit shyly.

"Thank you." Sam says kinda shocked at the random statement.

"Shane never said how attractive you were." Freddie spoke again.

"Well may be he didn't think you'd find me attractive." Freddie said.

"I don't think it's a matter of opinion, empirically, you are attractive." Freddie explained, but Sam seemed to get the wrong idea from his statement.

"Shane is your friend." Sam said.

"So?" Freddie asked confused, not sure why Shane was relevant in their conversation.

"So? I'm with him." She says.

"So?" Freddie asks again still confused.

"So you're coming on to me!" Sam says accusing him of a crime he didn't commit. Freddie looks at her wide eyed, horrified that she misinterpreted his intentions.

"No I wasn't! What?" Freddie says defensive.

"Can't a man say a woman is attractive without it being a come-on?" Freddie asks desperate for her to not think he was hitting on her. Sam sighed.

"Alright, alright, let's just say just for the sake of argument that it was a come-on. What do you want me to do about it? You be able to take it back? Ok, you can take it back." Sam says wanting the conversation to end.

"I can't take it back." Freddie exclaims. Sam clenches her fists annoyed.

"Why not?" She asks frustrated by the nub.

"Because it's already out there."

"Oh gees, what are we suppose to do, call the cops? It's already out there." Sam exaggerated, mocking Freddie.

"Just let it lie, ok?" Freddie said as the two got into the car with Sam driving this time.

"Great! Let it lie. That's my policy. That's what I always say, let it lie. Wanna spend the night at a motel? See what I did? I didn't let it lie." Sam said in a mocking tone, teasing him. Freddie glared.

"Sam." Freddie said in a warning tone.

"I said I would and I didn't." Sam continued to mock him.

"Sam." He warned again.

"I went the other way." She continued.

"Sam!"

"What? We are just going to be friends, ok?" Sam said, trying to get him to shut up.

"Great! Friends! It's the best thing." Freddie said relieved and they once again continued their journey in silence. After a while a look of realization hit Freddie.

"You realize of course that we can never be friends." He murmured.

"Why not?" Sam asked annoyed.

"What I'm realizing is... and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form, is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way." Freddie explained.

"That's not true, I have a number of male friends and there's is no sex involved."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do."

"No you don't." Freddie persisted.

"Yes I do." Sam insisted.

"You only think you do."

"You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?" Sam teased.

"No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you." Freddie said.

"They do not."

"Do too."

"They do not."

"Do too."

"How do you know?"

"Because, as I've just realized, no man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive, he always wants to have sex with her."

"So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?" Sam asked. Freddie thought about it but shook his head.

"No, you pretty much wanna nail them too." He said with an enlightened tone.

"What if they don't want to have sex with a nub like you?" Freddie glared at her comment.

"Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story."

"Well I guess we're not going to be friends then." Sam said, secretly relieved.

"Guess not. That's too bad. You are the only person I knew in Seattle." Freddie confessed and they once again fell into silence.

When they finally arrived in Seattle, Freddie and Sam were out of the car. Sam was getting her bag and Freddie was leaning against the hood. Sam then closed the trunk and the two met at the side of the car.

"Thanks for the ride." Sam said, not sure of what else she could say.

"Yeah, it was interesting." Freddie said, bobbing his head slightly.

"It was nice knowing you." Sam said.

"Yeah." Freddie says awkwardly. There's an awkward pause between them and Sam offers her hand to him and they shake.

"Well have a nice life." Sam says.

"You too." The two finally part ways. Freddie gets back into his car and drives off as Sam walks down the street. Neither of them expecting to ever see each other again.

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**Thanks so much for reading and I'm sorry if the grammar and spelling sucked, I didn't spend much time editing this. Pleas review! **

**Once again, I apologize that I'm not updating 'When Summer Ends' I really want to, I just have no inspiration currently. But don't worry, I'll keep trying!**

**Remember, reviews make me smile, and smiles make me happy, and when I'm happy I update!**


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